BREAKING: Donald Trump Announces Historic “Third Term” Campaign as Female Candidate Donna Trump

Mar-a-Lago, FL — In an unprecedented press conference held between rounds of Diet Coke and hawking gold-plated NFTs, former President Donald Trump announced he will be running for what constitutional scholars are calling a “creative interpretation of term limits”—but this time, as a woman named Donna Trump.

“Nobody transitions better than me, believe me. I’ve thought about it tremendously—and I’ve decided America needs something new. Something tremendous. Something female,” Trump declared while unveiling a power suit “inspired by Ivanka but with more shoulder pads.”

Legal experts were left speechless as Trump’s team revealed their constitutional loophole: “Donald J. Trump has served two terms. Donna J. Trump has served zero. Totally different person. Many people are saying it’s the most constitutional thing they’ve ever seen.”

The Strategic Genius of Gender Fluidity

Trump’s transition to Donna was reportedly completed in record time through what his team called an “executive gender order” signed at 3 AM and a single Truth Social post reading: “I HEREBY IDENTIFY AS DONNA. BIGGER AND BETTER THAN KAMALA. MAGA!”

The announcement has thrown both parties into chaos. Republican strategists are frantically redesigning campaign merchandise to feature “Make America Girl-Boss Again” hats, while Democrats held an emergency meeting titled “Is This Even Legal? (And Are We Allowed To Question It?)”

“Look, nobody respects women more than me. And now I am one. Historic. Many people are saying I’m the greatest woman in history, maybe ever,” said Donna Trump, adding that her lived experience now made her “more qualified than any other female candidate, past or present.”

Campaign Platform Highlights

• The Pink Wall: “Same wall, but prettier. Mexico will still pay for it, and they’ll thank me for the aesthetic upgrade. We’re going big, we’re going hard, and we’re making it pink.”
• Bathroom Executive Order: “I’ll be signing an executive order allowing me, specifically Donna Trump, access to any bathroom I want. Very inclusive. Nobody has done more for women’s restrooms than I have.”
• Economic Plan: “Women make 70 cents on the dollar? Not Donna Trump. I make billions on the dollar. I’ll teach American women to do the same. So simple. My new program ‘Trickle Down Feminomics’ will stimulate growth in all the right places.”
• Foreign Policy: “Putin respects strong women. Xi respects strong women. Kim Jong Un? Loves women. They’ll all call me ‘Madam President’ and they’ll love it. My foreign relations skills are unmatched—I know how to make them come to the table.”
• Cabinet Positions: “My new administration will have the most beautiful cabinet ever. I’m appointing myself as the first-ever Secretary of Female Success. Melania is surprisingly supportive of this whole thing—she said something about ‘finally being able to sleep peacefully.’”

Political Analysts Penetrating the Issue

CNN political analyst James Carville was seen repeatedly opening and closing his mouth without sound for a full five minutes before muttering, “The Constitution never saw this coming.”

Sources close to Nancy Pelosi report she had to be restrained from trying to tear up Trump’s gender declaration certificate.

Meanwhile, Fox News has already begun referring to Trump as “the most effective female political leader since Margaret Thatcher,” with Sean Hannity praising Trump’s “brave stance against the biological tyranny of term limits.” Tucker Carlson dedicated an entire segment to “America’s Hottest Presidential Candidate,” featuring a montage of Trump’s golf swing set to “Man! I Feel Like a Woman.”

MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow reportedly locked herself in her office with a copy of the Constitution, a gender studies textbook, and a bottle of whiskey, emerging 12 hours later to announce her new special, “The Gender Loophole: How Democracy Dies in Heels.”

When asked if this transition was permanent, Trump’s team responded that Donna reserves the right to “transition back to Donald for tax purposes, golf tournaments, and locker room talk.”

Trump’s new campaign bus, a hot pink stretch Hummer dubbed “The Pink Patriot,” features the tagline “Finally, A Woman Who Can Drive This Country” emblazoned across both sides.

In a jaw-dropping twist, early polling suggests Donna Trump is now pulling unprecedented numbers with conservative men who previously identified as “traditional values voters.” As one MAGA supporter explained, “Look, I wasn’t sure about having a woman president before, but if it’s Trump in a dress, that’s different. That’s a woman I can get behind.”

Critics Call It a Stunt, Trump Calls It “Breaking the Marble Ceiling”

In this reporter’s firm opinion, after probing deeply into this developing story, the legal challenges being prepared against Donna Trump represent an unprecedented situation in American politics.

Trump’s newly appointed legal advisor, Rudy Giuliani (wearing a pearl necklace in solidarity), warned that “any attempt to prevent Donna Trump from running would constitute both gender discrimination and election interference.”

Trump concluded the press conference by announcing his—her—campaign slogan: “Make America Female Again,” adding that “nobody knows women better than me, and now I am one. That’s what I call experience.” The event ended with Trump demonstrating her new signature move: flipping her hair while launching merchandise into the crowd, including “Trump 2025: Finally, A Woman With Balls” t-shirts.

In a final flourish, Donna Trump revealed her new national anthem performance style: placing her hand over her “heart area, which is huge now, just tremendous—the best heart area you’ve ever seen.”

This reporter will continue to stay on top of this story as it unfolds, pushing ever deeper into the constitutional implications.